Have you ever considered anger to be an amazing feeling? Like an incredible sensation that runs through your body and your psyche equipped with clarity? Being so fascinating that it might make us yearn for more anger in our lives?
Anger is a door opener. In my case, it is the best door opener that I could ever wish for. I never realized anger to be such an astonishing opportunity until I began to follow up on my anger sensations.

Let’s take a moment and breathe in. And breathe out.
While you read this, try to imagine of one time when you were angry. That one time, when you were filled with furious sensation. When you were caught in the heat of the moment and unable to escape from that emotional rush flowing through you.

Anger is experienced differently for each one of us. Some repress. Some express. And some rage. Likely our heart beat increases. We maybe clinch our fist or stomp our feet. Our jars clench or our palms sweat. We maybe swallow this sensation and aim to appear all normal externally. We might yell at our family members, at our friends and colleagues and we hurt people, we don’t intent to hurt. Some throw or break things and some bang doors. We might scream or leave the situation to get some air. To give us room to breathe. Room for all this energy. Anger is so much energy. All of a sudden. From one second to another. It’s pure fascination.

I am so deeply thankful for every anger feeling I experience. It guides me to my real inner self. It is the entrance to all other feelings within us. Such an obvious and clear message aiming to connect us with our inner self. It tells stories about our true authentic selves. We can read from them like an open book. If we aren’t connected to our feelings yet and don’t know what is happening inside of us, anger is always visible. Easy to spot. If feels like cherry picking – low effort jobs with huge pleasure.

So, what does anger tell us about our inner self?
Anger is our individual guide to our own boundaries. Anger shows when our boundaries weren’t met and want to be protected. When boundaries were crossed. When our deep needs weren’t met and want to be restored.
Needs and boundaries. Boundaries and needs. Our true authentic self. The essence of our inside. A real beauty underneath all those layers of ego, expectations, our own beliefs and daily routines. And then, suddenly anger unveils what we really need and creates clarity about how we really want to spend our lives.
A need can be as simple as having a meal in silence with no interruption. Someone to help with the household. A desire for ice cream, a hot chocolate or maybe some sleep.
A boundary can be as profound as saying ‘no’ to someone or something. Allowing only the right people to be within our near vicinity. Defining how much we let go of our own control in our lives.
Our boundaries are a manifestation of our personal space most of us are not yet focused enough on to protect or define ourselves. Some tend to respond to our tattered boundaries by avoiding our inner lives because we are so scattered, unclear and consequently unprotected.

Protecting boundaries and restoring needs is all about being able to communicate them to either ourselves or the people around us. Not by yelling and screaming and shouting, but by courageously speaking up for ourselves and sharing what we feel. What we need. What we want. But by making a choice for ourselves, and then following through. Fully grounded with all our physical senses until we feel that feeling of deep inner satisfaction and warmth. It is there for us waiting, at the end of the tunnel. It is a free gift towards a life I wish for everyone of us to experience. Anger is a free gift in our lives. A gift we should embrace and surely take a deeper look at once it surfaces the next time! Enjoy it!!

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Mareike Schönig

ICF ACC accredited Professional Coach
Transformational Life Coach

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